Lose Weight

		lose weight
I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me. ~~~~~ The problem with fasting seven days is that it makes one weak. ~~~~~ Diet: When you go to some length to change width. ~~~~~ It's not the minutes spent at a table that puts on weight, it's the seconds. ~~~~~ More fattening than the ice cream sundae is the spoon you put into it. ~~~~~ I'm on a 30-day diet. So far I've lost 15 days. ~~~~~ The older you get the harder it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have become good friends.
A woman was overweight so her doctor put her on a diet. He told her "Eat regularly for 2 days, skip a day, then jump back and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. I expect you to lose 5 pounds." When the woman returned, however, she had lost 20 pounds. The doctor was amazed. "Did you do as I asked?" She answered. "Of course. But I thought I was going to die." This puzzled the doctor. "You mean from hunger?" "No, from all of that skipping and jumping."
Eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. -- Mark Twain ~~~~~ No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office. -- George Bernard Shaw ~~~~~ YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO DIET WHEN... You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.
STRESS DIET This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day. Breakfast 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast - dry 8 oz skim milk Lunch 4 oz lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed spinach 1 cup herb tea 1 Oreo cookie Afternoon Snack Rest of the Oreos in the package 2 pints of Rocky Road ice cream 1 jar hot fudge sauce nuts, cherries, whipped cream Dinner 2 loaves garlic bread with cheese large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza 2 chocolate milkshakes 3 Snickers candy bars Late Evening News Entire frozen cheesecake eaten directly from freezer Remember: STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.
The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions. ~~~~~ You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is. ~~~~~ I don't exercise at all. If God had wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them up higher on my body. ~~~~~ The advantage of exercising everyday is that you die healthier. ~~~~~ At my gym they have free weights, so I took them. -- Steve Smith

Pirate's Treasure

Written by Carol Moore

Illustrated by Aura Moser

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	"Ten steps from the porch and twenty steps from the rose bushes," growled Bluebeard in Jimmy's dream one night. "There be treasure there! Aawrgh."   Pirate's Treasure Page 2 So the next day Jimmy began to dig. He dug until the hole was deep and the dirt pile was high. Pirate's Treasure Page 3 He kept digging. The hole got deeper and the dirt pile got higher.   Pirate's Treasure Page 4 He dug until the hole was deepest and the dirt pile was at its highest. He sighed. "I'm too tired. I can't dig anymore." Then he spied something... Pirate's Treasure Page 5 ...but it was only one of Woofy's bones. Instead of treasure, all Jimmy had was a dog bone, a hole, and a big pile of dirt to fill it in with. He thought "That pirate lied to me!"   Pirate's Treasure Page 6 But when Jimmy's mother saw what he had done, she clasped her hands and smiled a smile from here to Sunday. "Oh, thank you, Jimmy. I always wanted a rhododendron bush planted just there. Here's $5.00 for digging that hole."                            ~  ~  The End  ~  ~